Fay Landfall
Tropical Storm Fay has made landfall in South Florida, where it is expected to slow down and eventually die... just like everyone else who moves to South Florida.



New Drinking Age?
100 leading college presidents are calling on lawmakers to consider lowering the drinking age from 21 to 18. They need to keep the students drunk so they can get away with what they charge for tuition.

More than 100 college presidents say the 21-year-old drinking age encourages terrible on campus behavior including binge drinking, date rape, and choosing American Studies as a major.



Redeem Team
The USA men's basketball team has been pushing past all competition and resistance in Beijing, especially China's strict laws against fathering illegitimate children.



Kilpatrick Victory
Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick scored a major victory Monday when a judge ruled that the city council does not have the authority to remove him. Apparently, the council only has the authority to remove everyone else in Detroit from their jobs.



Lehman Fire Sale
Cash-strapped brokerage Lehman Brothers is considering selling off some of its most valuable assets, including its investment management business, a hedge fund, and most of the top executive's mistresses.