Respect Demand
All of the G-7 foreign ministers are urging Russia to respect Georgian territory. Russia says it can't do that as long as Georgia continues to dress like a cheap slut.



Iran Swims Away
A Iranian Olympic swimmer withdrew from the games when he learned he would be competing against an Israeli swimmer. The Iranian would have stayed in the race if he could have convinced the swimmer in the lane next to the Israeli to blow himself up.


The Iranian swimmer who pulled out of a heat where he would have had to compete against an Israeli says he withdrew because of "illness"... he's apparently allergic to being beheaded.



Russia Happy
Russian military leaders say they have "accomplished their goals" in Georgia... and by that they mean they've given people around the world something other than the Olympics to watch on TV.



Opening Ceremonies Hit
The opening ceremonies for the Beijing Games broke ratings records as about half the world tuned in desperately hoping to avoid any more stories about John Edwards.



Obama on Georgia
In response to the fighting in Georgia, Barack Obama is urging both sides to "show restraint." The only people allowed to go crazy for no reason are at his campaign rallies.