Fastest Sprinter
Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt shattered the world record in the men's 100 meter dash to win the gold Saturday. The only human faster than Bolt is the Tibetan protester who sped past him while trying to avoid the Chinese police.



Phelps Calls
President Bush, John McCain and Barack Obama have all made special calls to U.S. Olympic hero Michael Phelps. Bush and McCain called to congratulate Phelps, while Obama reminded him that he'll have to give half of his eight gold medals to the IRS.


Phelps Endorsements
Michael Phelps is expected to make $50 million per year in commercial endorsements, second only to Tiger Woods' $87 million... because Phelps just can't bring himself to tell people to buy a Buick.



Musharraf Quits
After years of corruption, Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf has announced his resignation today. But the resignation was forced, so we can expect him to show up at Green Bay Packers training camp before the end of the month.



Obama on the Economy
Barack Obama called the U.S. economy "a disaster" thanks to John McCain and President Bush. Yeah, if the economy weren't so bad Obama might have been about to quadruple her personal wealth in the last four years instead of only tripling it.