U.S. Loses Gold
Japan has stunned the U.S. by beating the Americans for the gold medal in softball. Apparently, no one told the U.S. team that there is no "beer inning" in international play.



Lehman Rumors
We have now learned that officials at the Federal Reserve called top Lehman Brothers executives last month to see if rumors about its dried up credit lines were true... then they asked them if they were still going to be able to use their summer rentals in the Hamptons.



Obama's Weakness
New polls show the Obama campaign is doing a poor job of winning over former Hillary Clinton supporters. It turns out those voters just really miss being lied to.



Beach Volleyball Gold
Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor have won the gold medal in beach volleyball. Now they just want to get home, rest, and put their God-damned clothes back on.




Tubbs Jones Dead
According to doctors at the Cleveland Clinic, Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones has died. They've made that statement based on her brain function, heart rate, and all the reports about her being dead that they'd seen on CNN.