Monday, June 02, 2008

O'Neal Bust
Academy Award-winning actress Tatum O'Neal has been arrested after buying crack cocaine near her home in Manhattan... shocking news, since everyone knows you can get crack so much cheaper in Queens.

Box Office Winner
The "Sex and the City" movie brought in $55 million at the box office, almost twice the expected haul. The heavy turnout was good news for Hollywood, but even better news for all the guys who spent the weekend cheating on their wives and girlfriends while they were out watching "Sex and the City."

McCain on Iran
John McCain will make a major speech today asking the world's leading corporations to stop investing in Iran. That will be followed by an even bigger speech asking them to stop investing in Barack Obama.

Hillary Celebrates
Even though Puerto Rican citizens cannot vote in the general election, Hillary Clinton is trumpeting her big win in the Puerto Rico primary Sunday. It's a good move since irrelevance has been the most important asset for Democratic presidential candidates since 1980.

Syria Inspections
U.N. inspectors say they have been allowed to enter Syria to investigate claims the country was buildinga nuclear weapons program. If it works out well, Syria plans to tout special "nuke scavenger hunt" tours at travel agencies across the world.

Bank CEO Fired
The good news for investors is that Wachovia Bank has ousted CEO Ken Thompson. The bad news is that with these gas prices, it will cost $14 million just to drive him home.


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