BREAKING NEWS!! KENNEDY BRAIN TUMOR!!!


Senator Ted Kennedy has been diagnosed with a brain tumor, shocking medical experts who can't believe his liver is actually healthier than his brain.


News of Kennedy's tumor is hitting the Boston area hard as thousands of local bartenders and prostitutes are facing economic uncertainty.


The tumor is located in the left part of Kennedy's brain... actually, this is Ted Kennedy, the only part of his brain is the left side.


Kennedy is being treated with radiation, chemotherapy, and a fifth of Dewar's every 15 minutes.