Kennedy Seizure
Doctors are searching for the cause of Ted Kennedy's seizure this weekend. Kennedy was either stricken because of diabetes, heart disease, or seeing his bar tab.

Meanwhile, Kennedy will remain in the hospital until he completes more tests... and pinches every last nurse's ass.



Opening Up
President Bush made a speech Saturday urging Mideast Muslim countries to grant their people more freedoms... mostly because we deserve a shot to see what their chicks look like.

No Dice
President Bush was unable to get the Saudis to agree to pump more oil during his visit to the kingdom this weekend... but he was able to get a free windshield cleaning and a 24-pack of Poland Spring waters for $6.59 plus tax.



Koran Target Practice Apology
A U.S. soldier has apoligized for using a copy of the Koran for target practice... but we're still waiting for an apology from the 17.5 million Muslims who have used live civilians for target practice since 1492.



Florida Fire
33,000 acres of the Florida Everglades are on fire. Authorities say they know what caused the fire, they just have to find the actual eldery person who forgot that he left his hot plate on all night.