China Quake
Major casualties are reported after a massive 7.9 magnitude earthquake hit China Monday. This means Chinese government troops can get a rare day off from killing their countrymen.



Barack's New Lead
Barack Obama has now surpassed Hillary Clinton in the race for superdelegates... adding to the lead Obama already established after winning the talent, swimsuit and
interview competitions.



Vendor Fears
A growing number of communities across the country are moving to prevent sexual predators from becoming ice cream truck drivers... but anyone who works for "Mr. Softee" is probably not a sexual threat.



Held Against Their Will
53 illegal immigrants were found being held against their will in a home in Phoenix. The only other people being brutally held against their will in America are the Clinton super delegates.



Newsday Deal Winners
Cablevision looks like it has won the bidding war for Newsday... meaning the Dolans are willing to pay $650 million just so they won't have to read anymore negative stories about Cablevision in Newsday.



Cheaper Cars
A new study shows that new cars are less expensive than any time in U.S. history... which is good news, because Americans need a cheaper place to put all that expensive gas.