Wedding Bells
Baywatch babe Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon, who was the man having sex with Paris Hilton in her infamous videotape, have applied for a marriage license. Celebrity gossip papers and TV reporters are officially in DefCon 7.

In addition to once being Paris Hilton's boyfriend, Salomon was also married to "90210" actress Shannen Doherty... making him the world's all-time biggest consumer of condoms and prozac.



Toy Sale
Wal-Mart has cut toy prices up to 50 percent... so it's good to know that when you poison your kids, at least it won't break the bank!



Scramble for Kennedy
Democratic presidential contenders are all trying to earn Senator Ted Kennedy's endorsement. Christopher Dodd sent him a box of cigars. Barack Obama sent Kennedy a bottle of wine. And Hillary Clinton sent him Bill's little black book.



Electric Car Timetable
GM says it start making the Chevy Volt electric car in 2010... all three people who will still be working for GM by then will be involved in production.




Top 5 Meaner Things Lee Bollinger Could Have Said to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad


5) "You really put the 'dick' in dictator."


4) "Learn these four words fast: 'Don't tase me bro!"


3) "I just got a look at your wife backstage and believe me, there's no honor killing danger there."


2) "You're either grossly uneducated, or you went to Penn... same difference!"


1) "We may have invited you, but we're not validating your parking."