Living Longer
The good news is that the life expectancy for Americans is nearly 78 years, the longest in U.S. history. The bad news is that most of us will spend the majority of that time waiting for delayed flights.



Freedom of Religion
A new poll shows that most Americans mistakenly believe the nation's founders wrote Christianity into the Constitution. In actuality, the founding fathers dictated that everyone in America was guaranteed freedom of religion, as long as they could afford a good Jewish lawyer.



New Ad Campaign
Wal-Mart is getting rid of its "Always low prices" slogan, in favor of a new slogan: "Imported Chinese Death."



Apple King
Burger King will now sell apple slices — served in a french-fry-like cup — to add a fresh fruit option to its menu. But they only come as part of a value meal with a bacon-triple cheeseburger and chocolate shake.



Painted Cabs
An arts group is covering New York City’s yellow taxicabs with colorful flower decals hand-painted by schoolchildren. Too bad painted flowers don't make cabs smell any better.