Tuesday, August 07, 2007


Trapped Miners
The CEO of Murray Energy says there will be "no rest" until its six trapped coal miners are rescued and safe... or until the company stock price starts going back up, whichever comes first.

Trapped Miners II
Rescue crews are refusing to fail as they work to free six trapped coal miners in Utah. Of course, they've already rescued the rest of America from two more days of stories about that bridge collapse in Minneapolis.



Teacher in Space
Former schoolteacher Barbara Morgan is finally scheduled to fly in a space shuttle mission this week, after 22-years of training and waiting. Morgan was actually expected to fly much sooner, but until now, she just hasn't been able to hold her liquor.

Teacher in Space II
Former schoolteacher Barbara Morgan is finally scheduled to fly in a space shuttle mission this week, after 22-years of training and waiting. Luckily, she's kept busy most of that time by stalking her fellow astronauts all across America.


Chocolate Battle
A major battle is going on in the chocolate industry as some American manufacturers want to replace cocoa butter with vegetable oil and still call it "chocolate." Meanwhile Chinese manufacturers want to replace cocoa butter with antifreeze and still call it "safe."



New Richest Man
Mexican telecom billionaire Carlos Slim has overtaken Microsoft founder Bill Gates as the world's wealthiest man. Slim plans on celebrating by hiring several Microsoft programmers to clean his pool for less than minimum wage.

New Richest Man II
Mexican telecom billionaire Carlos Slim has overtaken Microsoft founder Bill Gates as the world's wealthiest man. You can tell which is Slim's house... it's the one with Lou Dobbs out front cutting the grass.


Van Halen Reunion
David Lee Roth is rejoining Van Halen for a reunion tour this fall. But it's not clear if its a concert tour or just a travelling pro wrestling match.

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