Monday, August 06, 2007

Market Rebound
The Dow soared almost 300 points Monday as Wall Street's fears about bad credit eased. Stock traders finally realized that the best way to deal with too much debt is to sign up for more credit cards that give away free NFL beach towels.

HBO Film
A new HBO film documents the lives of the survivors of the atomic bomb attacks on Japan. Actually, living through a nuclear blast is still better than sitting through one episode of "John from Cincinnati."

Boston Market Sale
McDonald's has reached a deal to sell its Boston Market chicken chain to private equity firm Sun Capital Partners. The chain is worth $200 million, but Sun Capital reportedly paid $220 million for the supersized drink and a extra side order of mashed potatoes.

Usher Married
After an unexplained delay last week, pop singer Usher finally married his pregnant girlfriend in a private ceremony over the weekend. Usher's representatives say the singer simply needed to move the wedding to a location that was safe from Lindsay Lohan.

New Chrysler CEO
Former Home Depot chief Robert Nardelli has been named the new CEO of Chrysler. His first order of business will be remodeling every Chrysler dealership so that the cars you want are stacked atop impossibly high shelves where no one can reach them.


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