Iraqi Soccer Win
Iraq defeated Saudi Arabia, 1-0, to win the Asian Football Cup Championship Sunday. The triumph set off massive celebrations by both Iraqi soccer fans and the al Qaeda operatives looking forward to suicide bombing the victory parade.

Iraqi Soccer Win II
Iraq defeated Saudi Arabia, 1-0, to win the Asian Football Cup Championship Sunday. Not only was it the first significant sporting victory in Iraqi history, it was the first Arab soccer match since 2001 where the ball didn't eventually explode.



Huge Ketchup Packet
The town of Collinsville, Illinois has filled an 8-foot-tall, 4-foot-wide plastic pouch with 1,500 pounds of ketchup for a school fundraiser. Of course, with a town full of idiots wasting their time creating a huge ketchup packet, it's really not clear what good the schools can really do.


Huge Ketchup Packet II
The town of Collinsville, Illinois has filled an 8-foot-tall, 4-foot-wide plastic pouch with 1,500 pounds of ketchup. The only trouble is, no one in Collinsville knows how to make a 1,500 pound hamburger.



Tour de France Winner
Alberto Contador of Spain won the Tour de France by just 23 seconds over Australian Cadel Evans Sunday. Now if Contador could just give Barry Bonds his steroids back, Bonds might break the home run record sometime this week.


Chicago Mob Trial
Three alleged leaders of Chicago-area organized crime families are currently on trial for murder, extortion, loan sharking and concluding a popular TV series with a confusing and unsatisfactory ending.