Restaurant Merger
IHOP has made a $2.1 billion deal to buy the Applebee's restaurant chain. Now IHOP plans to further increase its profits by trying to buy out all the major heart and cholesterol drug manufacturers.

Restaurant Merger II
IHOP has made a $2 billion deal to buy the Applebee's restaurant chain. That's $1 billion for the restaurants, and $1 billion to install extra-wide toilet seats in all the bathrooms.


Washington Back on TV
ABC-ousted "Grey's Anatomy" star Isaiah Washington will guest-star on NBC's remake of "The Bionic Woman" this fall. He'll play a man who gets a surgically implanted device that helps him shut the Hell up.


Hemp Car
Ford Motor Co. is bankrolling a project to make a car fuled by hemp. Experts say the car actually runs reliably, but the only place drivers seem to want to take it is Taco Bell.


Bush Demand
President Bush is demanding that the Palestinian government arrest terrorists. The only problem is that all of the terrorists are in the Palestinian government.


Full Flights
Business experts say the new trend of extremely full flights could save the airline industry... it certainly is already doing wonders for the deodorant industry.