Iraq Report
President Bush says the mixed report on progress in Iraq is a "cause for optimism"... mostly since he's not in Iraq.


Al Qaeda Strength
A new U.S. government analysis concludes that Al Qaeda is the strongest it has been since September 11, 2001. Liberal groups believe al Qaeda has become more deadly because we just haven't been nice enough to them.


Flight Diverted
A flight from Los Angeles to London was diverted to New York early Thursday because of a suspicious passenger. The airline decided that dumping the guy in Jamaica, Queens at 3AM was the best way to see if he was really dangerous.



South Dakota Execution
South Dakota has carried out its first execution in 60 years. If they did it more often; everyone stuck living in South Dakota would want one.


Drug Flights
The DEA says the number of planes smuggling cocaine into the United States from the Caribbean have increased fourfold since 2003. Drug runners say they're enjoying record sales, but the jet fuel prices are killing them!


New Invention
Kimberly-Clark has come out with a new autmatic toilet paper dispenser. The company plans to market the product to the most lazy people in the world; all 535 members of Congress.


Nixon Strategy
Newly released documents show that President Nixon's 1972 re-election campaign tried to tie Democrats to gay liberation. Since then, the Democrats have fought back by becoming more tied to gay liberation.