Lady Bird Dead
Lady Bird Johnson has died at age 94. While married to Lyndon Johnson, she proved herself to be the quintessential political wife... by overlooking each and every one of his affairs.


Iran Stoning
The Iranian government has confirmed that a man convicted of adultery was stoned to death in a Northern Iranian village this week. In what they insist is an unrelated story, Senator David Vitter and former President Bill Clinton are now leading a bi-partisan coalition in favor of bombing Iran.


Execution Celebration
Chinese workers are cheering the execution of the country's former chief of food and drug safety. Not only are they happy that someone who put their lives in danger is dead, but now they can use his body to make more cheap exported Chinese dog food.


Anti-Circumcision Campaign
The British government is now trying to stamp out the illegal practice of female gential mutilation. But since Prime Minister Gordon Brown has banned officials from using the word "Muslim" when discussing terrorism or crimes, the entire campaign consists of government workers handing out anti-circumcision fliers at local churches.


Married Student
The parents of a 16-year-old girl who recently married a 40-year-old former high school coach are suing the Brunswick County, NC Board of Education, saying school officials failed to protect their daughter. They're mostly angry because she was already engaged to her brother.


Baby Mammouth Discovery
Scientists unveiled the discovery Wednesday of a baby mammoth found in the permafrost of north-west Siberia. The animal is thought to have died 10,000 years ago, years before it could possibly be saved by one of those "Live Earth" concerts.

Baby Mammouth Discovery II
Scientists unveiled the discovery Wednesday of a baby mammoth found in the permafrost of north-west Siberia. The mammouth's divorced parents are now suing each other for custody.


Bomb Robber Indictment
Two people have been indicted for fastening a collar bomb around the neck of a man and forcing him to rob a bank in 2003. Why is it that these low-lives can get their hands on a deviced like that and I can't even find the right lightbulb at Home Depot?

Bomb Robber Indictment II
Two people have been indicted for fastening a collar bomb around the neck of a man and forcing him to rob a bank in 2003. Currently the only Americans with a bomb around their necks are the studio guys who greenlighted "Sicko."


Muslim Civil Rights
Representatives of the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) met with court officials in Georgia Wednesday to discuss policies on the wearing of Islamic headscarves in local courtrooms. But since CAIR never admits that Muslims are ever connected to any crimes, it's not clear why they would ever need to be in a courtroom in the first place.