Mailiki's Statement
Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al Maliki boldly announced today that American soldiers "can leave Iraq anytime they like,"... as long as they take him with them.

Mailiki's Statement II
Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al Maliki boldly announced today that American soldiers "can leave Iraq anytime they like,"... shouldn't he be making the same offer to al Qaeda?



Mission to Mars
The European Space Agency is looking for volunteers for a simulated mission to Mars, where the elite candidates will spend up to 520 days in "extreme isolation and confinement"... and the really elite candidates will spend two hours in coach on flight with Air France.


Fatah Pledge
Scores of Fatah militants in the West Bank have signed a pledge renouncing attacks against Israel... they also promised to stop attacking Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.



Teen Sex
A new report shows that fewer American teens are having sex... well, it's a little hard to do it when you're all the way over in Iraq or Afghanistan.


Church Settlement
The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles has reached a $660 million settlement agreement with more than 500 sexual abuse plaintiffs. The Church plans to pay for the settlement by hiring super-cheap illegal immigrant priests from now on.