Senate Dems Fail
Despite an all-night session, Senate Democrats failed to overcome a GOP filibuster on Iraq. Of course, trying all night without enjoying any success is something Majority Leader Harry Reid and his wife are very familiar with.



Vick Indicted
Atlanta Falcons star Michael Vick has been indicted for being an alleged ringleader in a massive dog fighting operation. This is a devastating development for millions of Americans as it comes just days before the fantasy football draft.


The indictment against Vick includes charges he executed poor-performing dogs in vicious ways... something most Falcon fans have wanted to do to Vick ever since they missed the 2005 playoffs.



Crash Aftermath
After last night's deadly jet crash at the Sao Paulo Airport, Brazil has declared three days of national mourning. During this period, only black thongs will be allowed at the nation's beaches.


Couey Faking?
Some legal experts believe convicted murderer John Couey is faking having mental disabilities in order to avoid execution. He apparently learned how to do that by watching Congress every night on C-Span.


Food Safety Panel
President Bush has established a high-level government panel to examine the safety of food shipped into the United States. As a result there will now be a $2.50 surcharge on all deliveries from the Golden Panda Palace during regular government business hours.

Food Safety Panel II
President Bush has established a high-level government panel to examine the safety of food shipped into the United States. Well that covers imports, but who the Hell is looking into what they put into Twinkies?