Griffin Dies
Merv Griffin died today at age 82... but he's still more alive than Larry King.


Big Ben Silenced
For the first time ever, the chimes on London's Big Ben are out of service. Prime Minister Gordon Brown ordered the clock silenced so it would stop disturbing all the local Muslim terrorist bomb-makers.



LAX Delay
A computer glitch stranded thousands of international passengers for several hours at LAX Saturday. Usually, to find that many hopelessly stranded non-English speakers in L.A., you just have to be on the Freeway during morning rush hour.



China Denial
In denying that it's trying to devalue U.S. currency, China's government leaders insisted today that the American dollar is important to them. Well of course it is, shredded up dollars are the main ingredient in all their exported dog food products.


Condoms for Granny
Some cities are giving out free condoms to senior citizens... hey if it keeps them off the roads at night, I'm happy.



Saudi Snake Flier
A Saudi man was detained at Cairo's airport after trying to bring live snakes and crocodiles on a plane. Egyptian officials scolded the man for not bringing bombs liked they asked.