Harry Not Going
The British government has announced that Prince Harry will not serve in Iraq after all. Apparently, he was needed for the much more important duty of protecting his stepmother from the dentist.


Gaza Fighting
Fierce fighting has broken out between Palestinian gunmen in Gaza. Hamas and Fatah finally realized that they like killing each other so much, who needs Jews?



Soldier Reward
The U.S. military is offering a $200,000 reward for information about the location of three missing American soldiers in Iraq. And in return for not helping the U.S., al Qaeda is still offering the chance at 70 virgins and all the humus you can eat in Guantanamo.


Kid Reality Show
CBS will air a new reality show called "Kid Nation" this fall that will take 40 children and film them as they try to set up a society without adult supervision. Actually, that show has been on the air ever since C-Span starting televising Congress in 1985.


Paul's Position
During the GOP presidential debate Tuesday night, Congressman Ron Paul angered Rudy Giuliani when he suggested the 9/11 attacks were in response to U.S. bombings of Iraq. Giuliani, of course, blames 9/11 on his ex-wives.


Trump is Free
Now that NBC has left the "The Apprentice" off of the fall schedule, Donald Trump says he can leave NBC for another network. Or course, his hair will remain the property of the Sci Fi Channel.


Sarkozy Inaugurated
Nicolas Sarkozy was inaugurated Wednesday as the new president of France, promising to create a better country for the future... something he immediately started doing by expelling all the French people.


Yolanda King Dies
Martin Luther King Jr.'s daughter Yolanda died Wednesday of heart problems at the age of 51. Apparently she went into cardiac arrest every time someone in the news media would compare her father to Al Sharpton.