NEWSDAY ALERT!! I'm back in today's "Punchlines" column in Newsday and Newsday.com! Here's the link: Newsday


Iraqi Parliament Fight
Members of Iraq's parliament exploded in an angry debate Thursday, accusing each other of treason and murder. Wow, I guess our attempts to bring American-style democracy over there are really working!

Members of Iraq's parliament exploded in an angry debate Thursday. Outside the parliament building, the Iraqi people just exploded.


Moore in Hot Water
The federal government may fine or even imprison film director Michael Moore for taking an unauthorized trip to Cuba. Actually, the feds are only angry because Moore decided to come back to America.


Museum Piece
A computer built by Michael Dell in 1985 is going to be part of an exhibit at the Smithsonian Institution's National Museum of American History. It's such a rarity because it was the only thing ever designed by Dell that wasn't actually put together by someone in India.


Oral Sex Study
Researchers say people who have engaged in oral sex with more than six partners over the course of their lifetime were nine times more likely to develop throat cancer, and 30 times more likely to spend more than $1,000 on Listerine.


Rudy On Abortion
Rudy Giuliani is promising not to back down from his public support of abortion rights. And to prove it, he's aborting his presidential campaign right before our very eyes.


Couric's Optimistic
Katie Couric insists she still feels optimistic despite historically low ratings for the CBS Evening News. But when you get paid $65 million just to read a TelePrompTer, it's hard not to be optimistic!


Neeleman Stepping Down
Jet Blue Airways founder David Neeleman has announced he's stepping down as CEO... just as soon as his New York-to-Florida flight gets off the tarmac and they find his luggage.


Hamas Show Nixed
Hamas has canceled its children's TV show which featured a Mickey Mouse-type character that preached hate for America and Israel. The producers found it was easier and cheaper to just put Michael Moore in a Barney costume.


New Security Technology
Homeland Security leaders are exploring facial recognition programs aimed at finding terrorists, but the ACLU is concerned the devices will violate people's privacy... because if there's anyone who's ashamed to show their faces in public, it's the ACLU.