Peanut Butter Ads
The makers of Skippy peanut butter have decided to no longer use super-skinny, sexy models in their ads... um, what exactly did they think we use peanut butter for anyway?


Mexico Abortion
The Mexico City government has voted to legalize abortion. Well, that's more than our government is doing to curb illegal immigration.


Giuliani Rings
The Village Voice is reporting that Rudy Giuliani owns four New York Yankees World Series rings... so he has almost as many Yankee rings as he does wedding rings!


Fort Dix Informant
The six men arrested for planning to attack Fort Dix were turned in by a video store clerk after the suspects asked him to convert a video tape to DVD... which reminds me, maybe we can find Osama bin Laden simply by telling him his dry cleaning is ready.


Edwards Explanation
John Edwards said Tuesday that he worked for a hedge fund between presidential campaigns to learn about financial markets and their relationship to poverty. And after four long years he's finally learned that poor people can't afford to invest in hedge funds.


McDonald's Numbers
McDonald's says its sales climbed 4.8% in April, thanks to its new breakfast menu, Happy Meals and all the TV coverage of rats at KFC.


Obama Mistake
During a campaign rally on Tuesday, Barack Obama misspoke when he said 10,000 people died in last week's tornadoes in Kansas. He also misspoke when he blamed the tornadoes on Don Imus.


L.A. Fires
Wildfires have consumed about 15% of L.A.'s famed Griffith Park. But Mayor Villaraigosa is ordering firefighters to stand down and just let the inevitable mudslides put the flames out in the coming weeks.


Bush Tours Tornado Zone
President Bush was in western Kansas Wednesday to get a first-hand look at the destruction left after a massive tornado hit on Friday. He hasn't seen this much devastation up close since the CIA gave him Nancy Pelosi's pre-plastic surgery pictures.


TV Viewership Down
The good news is that recent ratings figures show teenagers are watching a lot less TV this year. The bad news is that most of them are having sex instead.