Mrs. D'Amato's Perks
Controversy is swirling on Long Island after a town council voted to let Al D'Amato's wife Katuria continue to get full health care benefits for her part-time zoning board position. It turns out Katuria needs full-time care for the constant nausea and gagging commonly associated with being married to Al D'Amato.


McCain Candidacy
Senator John McCain officially announced his candidacy for president in New Hampshire today. Although it was less of an announcement than a cry for help.


Rosie Going
Rosie O'Donnell has announced she is leaving "The View"... which is too bad, since she was the show's only male cast member.



Iraq Numbers
Iraq's government is withholding figures on civilian deaths, thus forcing Congressional Democrats to talk more about Imus.


New Planet
Astronomers have for the first time discovered a planet outside our solar system that is potentially habitable... at least until the French find out about it.


Robbery Ring
Two 20-year-olds are on trial in New York City for allegedly targeting gay men to exploit and rob. It's kind of like working at a Democratic Party fundraiser.