Campus Shooting
At least 31 people have been killed in an horrific shooting spree on the campus of Virginia Tech University. Police are feverishly working to find out if the gunman said anything to offend the school's women's basketball team.


Boston Marathon
Robert Cheruiyot of Kenya crossed the finish line Monday to win his second straight, and third overall Boston Marathon... but this was the first time he had to finish the race in a rowboat.


Hill's Cash
New York Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton convinced donors to give her presidential campaign more than $24 million in the first three months of 2007... and I felt guilty for spending $19.99 on that set of steak knives.


Sallie Mae Bought
Two private-investment funds are buying student loan giant Sallie Mae for $25 billion... that's $1 billion less than the brokers at those firms still owe on their student loans.



News Poll
A new poll has shown that the availability of 24 hour cable news stations has had very little impact on how much Americans know about national and international affairs. That's because 24 hour cable news stations don't actually report on any national and international affairs.


Holocaust Classes II
Some public schools in Britain have stopped teaching the Holocaust in order not to offend Muslim students who believe it never happened. This has actually been the policy at the BBC for 25 years.

Holocaust Classes II
Some public schools in Britain have stopped teaching the Holocaust in order not to offend Muslim students who believe it never happened. Unfortunately for everyone else, the Muslim students apparently do believe in Algebra, Chemistry, and Phys. Ed.


BBC Reporter Worries
BBC officials are beginning to worry about the fate of reporter Alan Johnston, who was kidnapped by Muslim terrorists in Gaza last month. Johnston's bosses are terrified that the longer he remains in Arab hands, the greater the chance he's going to stop hating America and the Jews... making him ineligible to keep working for the BBC.


Fiery Toilets
Japan's leading toilet maker is offering free repairs after announcing that 180,000 toilets it manufactured could catch fire. Funny, my toilet only catches fire about six hours after I eat Mexican food.


Rosie's Promise
The good news is Rosie O'Donnell is promising that she will not talk about President Bush anymore on "The View." The bad news is she now plans to fill that time by talking about her sex life.