Emissions Ruling
In a victory for environmentalists, the Supreme Court has ruled that carbon dioxide is indeed a pollutant. But the court also said that the best way to reduce carbon dioxide emissions in the atmosphere is to get Al Gore to shut the Hell up.


Kerkorian Offer
Kirk Kerkorian is offering to buy DaimlerChrysler for $4.5 billion. But first, Kerkorian is demanding that the company stop making Chryslers.



Immigration Study
A new study shows that without immigrants pouring into the nation's big metro areas, places such as New York and Los Angeles would be losing population. And if there's one thing those cities really need, it's more people.


Pelosi's Plea
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi says she raised the issue of Saudi Arabia's lack of female politicians with Saudi government officials on the last stop of her Mideast tour today. The Saudis responded that they'll get right on that, as soon as they're finished killing everyone who isn't a Muslim.

Pelosi's Plea II
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi says she raised the issue of Saudi Arabia's lack of women at the highest levels of the Saudi government. King Abdullah responded by offering Pelosi the option of becoming one of his wives.


Ford CEO Pay
Despite losing a record $12.7 billion in 2006, Ford Motor Co. paid new CEO Alan Mulally $28 million for about four months worth of work. Ford said it paid Mulally so much because it didn't want him to have to do anything cheap... like driving a Ford.


Cell Phone Rules
The FCC has decided to keep keep a rule in place that requires cell phones to be turned off during airline flights... which means the only people on your flight still worth shooting are in al Qaeda.