Snow Cancer
White House spokesman Tony Snow announced today that his cancer had returned... infuriating the Edwards campaign who says it officially called "dibs" on cancer last week.


Iran "Offended"
U.N. spokespersons are criticizing the U.S. for its naval show of force in the Persian Gulf, saying it's sure to offend Iran. In fact, the Iranians are so offended by it that today they forgot to work on their secret plan to annihilate the world with nuclear weapons.


IRS Crackdown
The IRS is no longer going to consider most donations of used clothes as charitable deductions. So from now on, the only people interested Bill Clinton's old boxers are the folks in the prosecutor's office.


Ferrari Crash
Eddie Griffin crashed a rare Ferrari Enzo worth $1.5 million into a concrete barrier while practicing at a racetrack, destroying the car but escaping uninjured. Usually to waste that much money and come away unscathed you have to be a Congressman.



Anna Nicole's System
The coroner's report confirms Anna Nicole Smith had eight prescription drugs in her system; which means she probably died from having to get all the different physician referrals.