Pace Under Fire
Joint Chiefs Chairman General Peter Pace told Congress yesterday that he believes homosexual acts are "immoral." Well, if he truly believes that, I think he really needs to get a new wardrobe.

Joint Chiefs Chairman General Peter Pace is coming under fire from liberals for saying that he believes homosexual acts are "immoral." Congressional Democrats plan to respond by cutting off funding to all the straight troops in Iraq by 2008.

Joint Chiefs Chairman General Peter Pace is coming under fire from liberals for saying that he believes homosexual acts are "immoral." But aren't these the same people who say we should try to find more things in common with the Muslims?



Gonzales Controversy
Democrats are calling for Attorney General Alberto Gonzales' resignation after it was revealed that he tried to remove all 93 U.S. attorneys in 2004. In a related story, Gonzales' approval rating has soared to 99% after it was revealed that he tried to fire 93 lawyers.


Box Office Numbers
The number one movie at the box office this weekend was 300, which made 70 million dollars. That's one dollar for every impaling.




Bush in Colombia
President Bush's visit to Colombia this weekend had to be cut to just six hours because of security jitters in the violence-plagued nation. But the Secret Service says it was still safer for the president in Bogota than it is when he visits San Francisco.


Embarrassed Ambassador
The Israeli ambassador to El Salvador has been recalled after he was found bound, drunk and naked wearing sex toys in the yard of his residence. The most shocking thing about this story is the fact that Israel has an ambassador to El Salvador.

Embarrassed Ambassador II
The Israeli ambassador to El Salvador who was recalled after he was found bound, drunk and naked wearing sex toys in the yard of his residence is already back in Jerusalem. The Israeli government believes he is the most qualified person to replace disgraced President Moshe Katsav.


Mills Betting
An online gambling site is taking bets on whether Heather Mills' artificial leg will fall off during her upcoming appearance on "Dancing with the Stars." If it does fall off, her lawyers are prepared to demand a one-time payment of $500 billion from Paul McCartney.


Bin Laden Turns 50
Osama bin Laden turned 50 years old this weekend. And the U.S. government would like Mr. bin Laden to know that they have a very special present waiting for him, which he can pick up at Guantanamo Bay anytime he likes.


Injured Panda
An animal research center in northern China has appealed to the world for help to find an artificial leg for a female panda to help her mate. Of course, the panda will be free to use whichever one of Heather Mills' legs that fall off during "Dancing with the Stars."


French Euthansia
About 2,000 French doctors have signed a petition urging the government to legalize euthanasia. Experts aren't sure why such a law is necessary in a country where surrendering has been the national sport since 1914.