Elderly Ladies Mugged
New York City police are looking for a man who mugged an 85-year-old and a 101-year-old woman. Usually the only thugs who attack and rob the elderly are the bureaucrats who work for Medicare.


Missing Girl Found
A newborn girl who was abducted Saturday morning from a hospital Texas, has been located in New Mexico. The parents of the child are overjoyed to have her back, but also a little sad... because it's really hard to find a babysitter these days.



Chirac Bows Out
French President Jacques Chirac announced Sunday that he will not be seeking re-election. After four decades in politics, he finally ran out of reasons to remain a coward and a liar.