Mohammed Confesses
Imprisoned terror leader Khalid Sheikh Mohammed is now claiming personal responsibility for the 9/11 attacks, the beheading of Daniel Pearl, the Richard Reid "shoe bombing," and several other plots. But experts say Mohammed probably confessed to all these acts just to get his trial over with in time to fill out his NCAA Tournament brackets.

Mohammed Confesses II
Imprisoned Terror leader Khalid Sheikh Mohammed is now claiming personal responsibility for the 9/11 attacks, the beheading of Daniel Pearl, the Richard Reid "shoe bombing," and leaving the seat up in the master bathroom a record 16 nights in a row.


College Boozing
A new study shows that nearly half of America's 5.4 million full-time college students abuse drugs or drink alcohol on binges at least once a month. It's not clear whether this is because of peer pressure or because most of the kids are just trying to forget that they already have more than $100,000 in student loans.


College Boozing II
A new study shows that nearly half of America's 5.4 million full-time college students abuse drugs or drink alcohol on binges at least once a month. Well, at 40 grand per year for tuition, those kids BETTER be getting as much booze and weed as they want!



Stark Comes Clean
Democratic Congressman Pete Stark has made a public statement that he doesn't believe in God. In a related story, God has just made a public statement that he doesn't believe in the Democrats.


Expensive Pie
New York's Nino's restaurateur is now serving a pizza that sells for $1,000. The delivery boy has to bring it to your house in a Brinks truck.


Hillary Flip Flop
In an interview Wednesday, Senator Hillary Clinton said it was for "others to conclude," whether homosexuality was immoral but later issued a statement saying that she did not think being gay was immoral. There's no word on whether she thinks it's moral to never even try to tell the truth or remain consistent at any time.


Bat Ban
New York City's Council passed a bill Wednesday banning the use of metal baseball bats in high school games. But it is still legal to use them in the regularly scheduled brawls in the playground after school.


Beverly Hills Mayor
Iranian born Jimmy Delshad has won the election for mayor of Beverly Hills. Even the three non-Iranians who still live in Beverly Hills voted for him.