Lethal Injections
A medical study shows that the drugs used to execute prisoners in the United States sometimes fail to work as planned, causing slow and painful deaths that probably violate constitutional bans on cruel and unusual punishment. A related medical study shows that nobody cares.


Heavy Costs
A new study shows that overweight workers cost their bosses more in injury claims than their lean colleagues... which explains why Ex-Lax has replaced the Snickers bars in the breakroom vending machine.



Iraqi Anger
College students in Baghdad have posted signs protesting the shooting deaths at Virginia Tech. The Iraqis are angry they didn't get the chance to do the shootings themselves.



Reid on Bush
Sentate Majority Leader Harry Reid says that: "No more will Congress turn a blind eye to the Bush administration's incompetence and dishonesty." Well, it's pretty hard to turn a blind eye to incompetence and dishonesty when you see it every day in the mirror.


House Testimony
Former Pfc. Jessica Lynch and the brother of Army Ranger Pat Tillman told a House panel today that the U.S. military lied about Tillman's death and Lynch's capture. Mirroring their policy on the war in Iraq, House Democrats invited Tilman and Lynch to speak, but refused to pay for their travel expenses.



Housing Market
The housing market hit a new bottom last month with sales of existing homes down 8.4%. Experts say the drop was due to tighter mortgage practices, higher inflation, and the fact that most houses "really smell like wet dog."