VA Tech Reactions
While experts try to make sense of the atrocity at Virginia Tech, most Americans are counting their blessings, hugging their children, and thanking God now that Al Sharpton won't be off the TV for at least a week.

Already, pro and anti-gun control advocates are using the campus killings to attack each other, critics of the school's security detail are protesting, and when it was learned that an immigrant on a student visa committed this atrocity, Lou Dobbs' head actually exploded.



Middleton in Tears
Kate Middleton is reportedly inconsolable after Prince William broke up with her last week. Actually, she should be thankful she got out of the relationship before Queen Elizabeth had her killed.



Time Warner Moves
The Wall Street Journal reports that Time Warner executives are wondering whether it should buy a major Internet company. But first, it's hoping to get AOL adopted by either Madonna or Angelina Jolie.


Madonna Crowds
Stone-throwing school students blocked journalists from covering pop star Madonna's visit to an orphanage on Tuesday. Which was surprising, since crowds usually throwing stones AT whores, not away from them.


Bad PJ's
The Disney Store is recalling Baby Einstein caterpillar pajamas and Baby Einstein duck pajamas due to a risk of burn injury to children. Managers noticed how the clothing was the first to burst into flames every time they torched the failing Disney Stores to collect the insurance money.