Madam's List
NBC News has decided against broadcasting the names on "D.C. Madam" Deborah Jeane Palfrey's client list, saying there was nothing "newsworthy" there. Which means the only names on the list were Bill Clinton, Ted Kennedy and Charlie Sheen.


MTA Chair Stepping Down
Peter S. Kalikow, the chairman of New York's Metropolitan Transportation Authority, said today that he intends to step down as soon as his successor is approved... or the "A" train finally shows up at 34th Street, whichever comes first.



Bush Poll
The latest Newsweek poll puts President Bush's approval rating at 28%... which is still 10% higher than the approval rating for Newsweek.


Burned at the Stake
Angry villagers in India burned an elderly couple at the stake this weekend because of suspicions they were practicing a form of black magic... and refusing to agree to any changes to Social Security.


Hillary's Advice
In an Op-Ed piece published today, Hillary Clinton says despite Iran's hostility towards the U.S., we should try to engage them with diplomacy. Of course, Mrs. Clinton is an expert at engaging her enemies; she's been married to her biggest enemy for 35 years.


Queenly Visit
President Bush and Queen Elizabeth dedicated their White House meeting Monday to celebrating their common values... especially their mutual hatred of the news media.


Thieves Punished
An Alabama judge has ordered two convicted shoplifters to wear "I am a Thief" t-shirts wherever they go for a month. 535 more copies of that shirt are now being made for every member of the U.S. Congress.


Princeton PETA Kids
Student members of PETA at Princeton University will stage a protest Tuesday by appearing nearly naked, smeared with fake blood, wrapped in cellophane and lying on giant meat trays outside the school cafeteria beneath a sign that says: "Meat is Murder!" A counter-demonstration will also be held by those students' parents under a sign that says: "Can you believe we pay $40k a year for this?!?"