NJ Gay Marriage Ruling
New Jersey's State Supreme Court issued a ruling Wednesday allowing for gay civil unions, but not exactly allowing gay marriage. So, the only way you can be gay in New Jersey and get equal rights is to run for Governor.

Limbaugh on Fox
Rush Limbaugh says Michael J. Fox is faking his Parkinson's symptoms in a new commercial where the actor calls for more stem cell research. Of course, Limbaugh is just jealous because Fox gets all the good prescription drugs.

More Troops?
General George Casey, the top commander in Iraq, says he may call for more troops to be sent to Baghdad... mostly because the White House wants to stop them from voting in the midterm elections.

Top 5 New Bills the House will Pass if Nancy Pelosi Becomes Speaker

5) H.R. 1152: The Nationwide No White Shoes After Labor Day Act

4) H.R. 1312: The Free Botox Distribution to Poor and Middle Class Women Act

3) H.R. 2253: The Make Wednesday "Rice-A-Roni Day" Act

2) H.R. 1560: The Plastic Surgery Tax Relief Act

1) H.R. 4567: The Legalize Egg-Throwing at President Bush Act

Fed Decision
The Federal Reserve Board decided to keep interest rates the same Wednesday. Apparently, the Fed thinks it will be more fun to screw the American public in December.

Egan's Defense
New York's Cardinal Egan said in a letter that recent criticism leveled against him is coming from disgruntled priests who molested children. Actually, the disgruntled priests are the ones who didn't get to molest children.

Jersey Execution Standard
The New Jersey Supreme Court ruled this week that state prosecutors no longer have to prove a defendant is mentally fit to be executed. And that's only fair, since you certainly don't have to be mentally fit to live in New Jersey either.

Star Trek Cameo
Tom Cruise is in negotiations to play a cameo role in the upcoming Star Trek film. It's hard to tell what's crazier; Tom Cruise, or the fact that there's going to be another Star Trek film.