Extremely Odd Web Alert!!

Okay, I know I write a column in The Jewish Week, and my stuff is topical. But I've heard numerous reports that several Rabbis quoted my jokes in their High Holiday Sermons! It's a good thing I never use foul language! Here's a link to one sermon by a Rabbi in Maryland: Yom Kippur Sermon

Top 5 Things President Bush Keeps in his Pockets

5) Autographed picture of Clifford The Big Red Dog

4) Pocket-sized "Red Neck-to-English" dictionary

3) That picture of Saddam Hussein in his underwear

2) His Yale University transcripts... so his parents will never find them

1) Card that says "In Case of Emergency, call Dick Cheney"

Aaron Brown Gone
CNN announced today that Aaron Brown is leaving the network. The job status of the squirrel that's been living on his head since Brown got into TV is unknown.

Aaron Brown Gone II
CNN announced today that Aaron Brown is leaving the network. Brown and the three elderly ladies who make up his entire audience will just have coffee together every Wednesday from now on.

Drugs and God
The U.S. Supreme Court is considering whether to allow the importation of hallucinogenic drugs for religious purposes. Seriously, aren't most religious Americans are delusional enough already?

Clinton on Parks
Former President Bill Clinton paid tribute to Rosa Parks at her funeral Wednesday. Clinton thanked Parks for all she did to make it possible for him to be the first Southern white teenager to bring his girlfriends to the back of the bus.

Royals in Town
At last night's White House dinner for Prince Charles and Camilla, President Bush gave a short speech honoring the Prince for his friendship to the United States, his commitment to education, and for "rocking albums like 'Purple Rain'."

Top 5 Questions on the Enron Trial Jury Application

5) Can you follow basic Enron accounting entries? For example, does 2+2= a) 4 b) 5 or c) $563,237.97?

4) Doesn't Ken Lay look a lot like Elmer Fudd?

3) Have you ever been lied to by a stock market analyst... (oh wait, of course you have), we mean, how many times have you been lied to by a stock market analyst?

2) Do you have any negative feeling about any of the following Enron-controlled entities: 1) Natural Gas market 2) Electric utilities 3) The White House?

1) Remember when Americans had money?

Trigamist Judge
A state commission is ordering the dismissal of a Utah Supreme Court judge because he has three wives. But legal experts say any man who can manage a household with three different wives is truly a justice of the peace.

Ahold Indictments
New York's U.S. Attorney has charged food distributor Royal Ahold with accounting fraud. If convicted, Royal Ahold will have to pay a hefty fine and change its name to "Royal A-Hole."