Special Session
Democrats forced the Senate into a closed session yesterday to pressure the Republican majority into completing an intelligence investigation. But after two hours, they couldn't find any.

Frist Upset
Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist called the move for a closed session "an affront to me personally"... especially since the whole thing happened while he was trying to make some more illegal insider stock trades.

Top 5 Real Reasons the Senate went into Closed Session

5) Senators needed their privacy to count all their illegal campaign donations

4) Ted Kennedy lost his pants again

3) Everyone wanted one more look at Hillary Clinton's hilarious Harriet Miers impersonation

2) Two words: "New interns"

1) They all needed some time to swap all their kids' best Halloween candy

All Wolf, All The Time
CNN is expanding the "Situation Room" with Wolf Blitzer. From now on, the network will air "Situation Room: Mornings," followed by "Situation Room: Afternoons," followed by "Situation Room: Special Victims Unit."

Interest Rate Hike
The Fed raised interest rates again in hopes of curbing inflation. Experts aren't sure if the tactic will work, but they do know this will make it harder for Americans to continue taking out big loans to fill up their SUV's.

Mice Song
Scientists now believe that mice sing some form of very high pitched mating song when they encounter the opposite sex. The music isn't audible to the human ear, but experts are certain it sounds better than Ashlee Simpson.

Charles and Camilla Visiting
Britain's Prince Charles and his wife Camilla are touring the Unites States for the first time since their marriage. It's not quite as glamorous as the days when Charles and Diana visited our shores, but at least the nation's dentists and airbrush experts are reaping a windfall.

French Riots
French police were forced to use tear gas in hopes of breaking up a sixth straight night of rioting in Paris Tuesday. Unfortunately, the tactic didn't work because tear gas still smells better than a huge crowd of French people.

DeLay Victory
Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay won the first skirmish in his money laundering case Tuesday when a Texas judge was removed from the case because he's a Democrat. Now all DeLay needs to do is remove all the members of the jury who can read.