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Wal-Mart Health Plan
The good news is Wal-Mart is about to offer all of its employees a healthcare plan. The bad news is the only participating doctors are in China.

Bernanke Nominated
President Bush has nominated Ben Bernanke to replace Alan Greenspan as Chairman of the Federal Reserve. Bernanke is currently the President's leading economic adviser, which means his most important job is making sure Mr. Bush only eats the coins on his desk that are filled with chocolate.

Top 5 Signs Ben Bernanke is More Qualified for his Job than Harriet Miers

5) He can count

4) He can fill out a questionnaire in complete sentences

3) He can kiss Bush's ass too... just a little more discretely

2) He can grasp difficult financial concepts like debt, credit, and where to carry a wallet

1) He was really picked by Cheney

Bush Angry
Insiders say the mounting death toll in Iraq, the potential indictment of Karl Rove, and the weak economy have left President Bush frustrated, bitter and angry... oh no, wait, he's only feeling that way because he hasn't had his nap.

White House Attack
As the White House prepares for possible indictments in the CIA leak probe, the Bush administration has begun a campaign against the prosecutor in the case saying "he's a vile, detestable, person who believes he's been tapped by God to do very important things"... oh wait, that's the official bio for President Bush.

Celine's Eggs
Celine Dion says she plans to have a second child in 2007 and she already has a frozen embryo ready for in vitro fertilization treatments. Those eggs will be fertilized by the first man they can find who can stand listening to Celine Dion.

Christian Nation
Cory Burnell, the founder of the Christian Exodus movement, wants to set up a separate Christian nation where abortion is illegal, gay marriage is banned, schools cannot teach evolution, children can pray in public schools and the Ten Commandments are posted publicly. Of course that place already exists and it's called "South Carolina."

Charlize's Reading
Charlize Theron has said that she hasn't read a movie script since she won her Oscar for "Monster." The only trouble is, she's made five movies since then.