Rocky VI
Sylvester Stallone has signed on to make another "Rocky" movie. The film will be about a former heavyweight champ trying to overcome his failed decision to host a low-rated reality show.

Top 5 Reasons They're Make Another "Rocky" Movie

5) Thanks to Viagra, Stallone's love scenes won't seem too implausible

4) The folks who saw the "Dukes of Hazzard" movie should have enough money saved up to see another movie by the time they're done filming this thing

3) The studios want to take a break from all the originality coming out of Hollywood these days

2) One Word: "Alimony"

1) It couldn't possibly be worse than Rocky V

More Rocky
Sylvester Stallone has signed on to make another "Rocky" movie. The news is coming at the worst possible time for the U.S. government, which has already exhausted most of its disaster resources for the victims of Hurricane Katrina.

Ted to the Rescue
U.S. Senator Edward Kennedy helped save six people who were trapped off Hyannisport while fishing this weekend. Kennedy agreed to assist in their rescue as soon as he determined that none of the people were named "Mary Jo."

Condi Says No
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is denying that she has any plans to run for President in 2008 saying, "I don't know how many ways to say no." Luckily, she's been practicing saying no to every man who's asked her for a date for the last 40 years.

Sunnis Playing Ball?
The large Sunni turnout in Iraq's constitutional referendum vote Saturday shows Sunnis may be ready to engage in politics rather than terrorism. That would be encouraging news if it weren't for the fact that in the Middle East, there is no difference between politicians and terrorists.

Powerball Jackpot
The jackpot in this week's Powerball lottery will be $340 million. The winner will have the option of accepting the jackpot as a lump sum, taking cash payments over 20 years, or getting his SUV filled with gas for a whole month.

Neil Young on Conan
Neil Young will be the musical guest on Late Night with Conan O'Brien for an entire week in November... mostly because it usually takes about five days to get him to shut the Hell up.

No Candidates
The town of Oakley, Idaho is holding municipal elections next month, even though there are no declared candidates yet. This is not unlike what happened last year when the United States held a presidential election without any real candidates either.

Scientology Suit
The Church of Scientology is suing the humor site ScienTOMogy.info, which spoofs Tom Cruise, for copyright infringement. The Scientologists are also suing New York's Bellevue Mental Health Center for stealing their whole idea of making money off of crazy people.

Old Food
Scientists say that the world's oldest known noodles, dating back 4,000 years, were made in China. But what they didn't know is that those same noodles are still sitting on a table at Hunan Dynasty on West 14th street.

Saddam Trial
Saddam Hussein's criminal trial starts this week, but the Iraqi courts are having trouble finding 12 jurors who didn't have at least one family member who was executed by Saddam Hussein.

Bush Approval Rating
The latest poll shows 58% of Americans disapprove of the job President Bush is doing, 39% approve, and the other 3% are too busy waiting for FEMA to show up to have an opinion.