Top 5 Yankee Excuses

5) It's A-Rod's "time of the month"

4) The team missed too many practices because of the Jewish holidays

3) Randy Johnson is secretly dating the "rally monkey"

2) Thanks to Angels' kooky name change, Yankees never did figure out if they were playing in Los Angeles or Anaheim

1) With these oil prices, a $200 million payroll just isn't so much anymore

Subway Threat Over
Investigators say the recent threat against the New York City subways was a hoax. So that means the only dangerous ticking time bomb in New York now is George Steinbrenner.

Beaten Man Speaks
The 64-year-old New Orleans man, whose brutal beating by cops on Bourbon Street was caught on videotape, says he has no animosity towards the police. But he does think their nightsticks and tasers are a bunch of racist bastards.

Miers Cards
The AP is reporting that Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers told George W. Bush in a 1997 birthday card that he was "the best governor ever" and that she hoped his twin daughters recognize their parents are "cool." These important notes tell us something very critical about Ms. Miers; she knows how to kiss ass.

Economic Nobel
An American and an Israeli have won the Nobel Prize in Economics for using so-called "game theory" to understand possible outcomes in business, real estate, and other conflicts. But the guys who invented "Monopoly" say that was their idea!

Summit Called Off
The planned meeting between Israeli leader Ariel Sharon and Palestinian Chairman Mahmoud Abbas has been put off at the last minute. The two sides reportedly have sharp disagreements about terrorism, the future of the Israeli settlements, and who gets the last piece of pie.

Liberia Democracy
With Tuesday's nationwide voting, democracy is coming to Liberia. But the country won't really be seen as turning the corner until it's nice enough for one of its cruise ships to actually dock there.