Giuliani for President?
Former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani says he'll decide next year whether he'll run for president. Giuliani is expected to join the race as soon as he can find a way to make Republicans forget that he's twice divorced, pro-choice, and Catholic.

Top 5 Things Rudy Giuliani Must Do Before Deciding Whether to Run for President

5) Make sure he doesn't make any appearances with Bill Bennett

4) Get rid of all the pictures of him with that awful comb-over

3) Give Bernie Kerik his little black book back

2) Make sure the Yankees find a decent middle reliever

1) Spend about two years with a speech therapist

Hilton Wedding Off
Paris Hilton has broken off her five-month engagement to Paris Latsis, saying she "didn't want to do anything she wasn't really ready to do." Too bad that didn't stop her from thinking she could act.

Hilton Wedding Off II
Paris Hilton has broken off her five-month engagement to Paris Latsis. Hilton realized she had to call off the wedding when she realized there wasn't anybody on the guest list whom she hadn't slept with.

NHL Returns
Pro hockey teams are actually doing well in ticket sales, despite the NHL lockout that canceled all of last season. That shouldn't be too much of a surprise; Mets tickets sold pretty well this year and they haven't shown up to play since 2000.

Valium Inventor Dead
Leo Sternbach, who created several tranquilizers including Valium, has died at the age of 97. Sternbach's inventions are credited with dulling the pain of millions of Americans, deadening their senses, and allowing us all to live through the last four presidential administrations.

Icahn's Bid
Investor Carl Icahn is reportedly going to "get tough" in his bid to boost Time Warner share prices. Icahn is reportedly demanding that the company buy back more stock, spin off its cable operations, and get the nudity back on HBO.