Moss Rehab
Kate Moss has checked into a rehabilitation clinic in Arizona after she was recently caught snorting cocaine. Moss chose this particular clinic because it reportedly has no cafeteria.

Miller Released
New York Times reporter Judith Miller is finally out of prison after her confidential source in the Bush Administration finally revealed himself. The White House decided to have Miller released because it needs her to write some phony articles about WMD's in Iran.

Top 5 Things Judith Miller Learned in Prison

5) The Times actually makes great emergency toilet paper

4) Anna Quindlen's articles about women's empowerment would only be worth something if she had written a thing or two about how to throw a left hook

3) While she was behind bars, The Times supported her legally... but laid her off anyway

2) Doing time still isn't harder than doing the Time’s Sunday crossword

1) The other inmates were only afraid of her because she knows Martha Stewart

Flight Attendants Boycott
Three flight attendant unions want members to boycott the Jodie Foster thriller "Flightplan," because they say it portrays stewardesses as "rude, unhelpful and uncaring". They prefer to be portrayed more accurately as rude, unhelpful, and slutty.

Roberts Vote
The Senate voted 78-22 to confirm John Roberts as the 17th chief justice of the Supreme Court. The lop-sided win puts Roberts just behind #1 USC in the coach’s poll.

Roberts Inaugural
John Roberts was sworn in yesterday as the chief justice of the Supreme Court, and is expected to take his seat and be ready in time for the new court session Monday... unless he gets a chauffeur from FEMA.

Next Choice
Insiders say that President Bush's next pick for the Supreme Court will be either Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, or Federal Appeals Court Judge Priscilla Owen. The winning candidate will be the one who tells the President the best bedtime story.

Supermoms and Sex
A British study shows that women who juggle a family and full-time career have diminished sex drives. But most of the women studied were too tired to notice.

Looting Report
A new report shows that some New Orleans police officers helped loot downtown stores joined after Hurricane Katrina. Meanwhile several private companies are currently looting the federal treasury with those no-bid contracts they got to rebuild the city.

Jay's Book
Jay Leno has written a new children's book called "How to Be the Funniest Kid in the Whole Wide World." Thankfully, Dave Chappelle is writing the book on how to be the funniest adult in the whole wide world.