Yom Kippur
Yom Kippur is the most solemn day of atonement for Jews all over the world. It's the time when we ask God to forgive us for all our sins, transgressions, and Woody Allen.

Top 5 Yom Kippur Fasting Tips

5) Take a good look at Ariel Sharon

4) Remember that fasting is still better than eating low-carb bread

3) Keep your mouth busy by gnawing on your synagogue's annual donation cards

2) Suppress your appetite by thinking about the Yankees payroll

1) Since you're not eating anyway, snort some cocaine for the complete Kate Moss experience

New James Bond
Actor Daniel Craig has been chosen for the leading role in the new James Bond film. The studio says it chose Craig because his British upbringing is a perfect match for the part... well, that and the fact that he's screwed every actress in Hollywood.

New York City Storms
Heavy rains caused widespread flooding throughout New York City today, forcing delays on the subways. Apparently, the subway tracks are only resistant to urine, not rainwater.

Bush Warns Syria
President Bush is warning Syria that "the free world demands more democracy in Lebanon." Syria is replying by asking: "Okay, but what does America want?"

Schroeder Stepping Down
Even though his party is part of the new German coalition, Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder says he will have no real decision-making power in the new government... well, neither does President Bush but that doesn't stop him from staying in office!

Nomar the Savior
Sports Illustrated is reporting that former Red Sox shortstop Nomar Garciaparra saved two women from drowning in Boston Harbor this week. Garciaparra stepped in to help after they slipped right through Bill Buckner's legs into the water.