NEWSDAY ALERT!! I'm back in the "Punchlines" column in today's Newsday. Here's the link: Newsday

Saddam Arraigned
During his arraignment yesterday, Saddam Hussein kept rudely disagreeing and interrupting the judges; it's a legal tactic he learned from watching Nancy Grace on TV.

Top 5 Saddam Hussein Legal Demands

5) A good lawyer, preferably one of the hot ones from "The Practice"

4) A televised trial, but not on CNN because they'll probably just cut away every time some crazy broad in Georgia ditches her fiancé

3) A year's supply of Just for Men

2) Won't accept the legitimacy of the judges until he finds out where they stand on Roe v. Wade

1) Will plead guilty in return for the court's promise to keep his daughters safe from Jude Law