Saddam Charged
The new Iraqi government has finally filed formal charges against Saddam Hussein. They include several counts of murder, terror, and stealing an early copy of the new Harry Potter book.

Top 5 Strategies for the Saddam Hussein Legal Defense Team

5) Present some great alibi witnesses, like Robert Blake and O.J. Simpson

4) In return for a real plea deal, reveal where those imaginary WMD's are

3) Remind the jury that as bad as he was, Saddam never made any deals with any sleazy muscle magazines

2) Distract the jurors by devoting their entire opening statement to questions about the whole Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes relationship

1) Just give up; no matter what happens, he's got a longer life-expectancy than most Iraqis these days anyway

14-Pound Newborn
A newborn Milwaukee baby girl tipped the scales at a whopping 14-pounds. Doctors say the girl is 99% likely to grow up completely healthy... and the baby's mother is 100% likely never to want sex again.

Box Office Results
"Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" won the box office race this weekend by taking in $55 million. That's funny, because that's exactly what it cost me this weekend to buy movie tickets and candy for my family.

New Potter Book
Critics say the new Harry Potter book is excellent, however it contains more disturbing and frightening images than the first five books in the series. But Michael Jackson says if any young Potter fans are overly scared by the book, they have an open invitation to spend the night at his house.

Potter Book-Catholic Church
The Vatican is condemning the Harry Potter books, saying they are akin to educational volumes on black magic. But most Catholic parents are ignoring that in hopes that learning black magic may help their kids protect themselves from Catholic priests.

Pauly Shore Show
TBS has a new reality show starring Pauly Shore as the idiot son trying not to destroy the business he inherited from his parents... wait, isn't that show the White House has been running for the last five years?