Monday, May 02, 2005

Bride-to-Be Criminal Charges?
The Georgia bride-to-be who got cold feet may face criminal charges for sending the police and other authorities on a wild goose chase. But MSNBC is promising to cover all her legal fees if she promises to do this again during the next ratings period.

MCI Changes its Mind Again
MCI has changed its mind again, and now says it will go with the takeover bid from Verizon instead of the offer from Qwest. The MCI board members admit they may change their minds again, unless they get so frazzled by the pressure that they all just run away to New Mexico.

Amtrak Anniversary
On this day in 1971, the first Amtrak commuter train went into service... it's due to finally arrive in Penn Station in about three hours.

England Cops a Plea
Army Private Lynndie England will plead guilty to several charges of prisoner abuse in connection with her role in the Abu Ghraib scandal. By taking a plea, England will still face jail time, but she'll avoid the most severe penalties that would have blocked her from changing her awful hairstyle for at least 13 years.

Top 5 Changes the Republican Chairman of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting Wants at PBS

5) Special Sesame Street episode where Bert moves out and Ernie gets a girlfriend

4) "Antique Roadshow" to feature NASCAR trading cards at least 3 times a week

3) More "Frontline" documentaries about Ted Kennedy's ever-widening ass

2) "Postcards from Buster" replaced by new animated series: "Jesus n' Pals"

1) Provide special translators so President Bush can understand what they're saying on all those British programs

Iraq Violence Growing
Since Iraq formed its new government last week, 127 Iraqis have been killed in terrorist attacks. Of course, the U.S. government gets a lot more of its own citizens killed faster than that every time it cuts Medicaid benefits.

Peace Protest
Tens of thousands of protesters marched through Manhattan and into Central Park yesterday to speak out against nuclear proliferation and the war in Iraq. But that event was dwarfed by the thousands more demonstrator who were already out in the streets protesting the fact that the Yankees still suck.

Schwarzenegger Slipping
California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's approval rating has suddenly dipped to an all time low. The news is shocking political experts who thought the only way Schwarzenegger could anger so many people that quickly was by doing another "Terminator" movie.


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