Friday, February 25, 2005

Doctor's Orders
After his surgery, the Pope's doctors are ordering the Pontiff not to speak for a few days. So of course, President Bush is wondering if he can get treated by those doctors.

Doctor's Orders II
After his surgery, the Pope's doctors are ordering the Pontiff not to speak for a few days... but he promises to write nasty things about gays whenever he can.

Strong Economic Report
The economy grew at an unexpectedly strong rate of 3.8% in the last three months of last year. The government says the spending numbers soared because of more factory orders, employee hiring, and Michael Jackson paid some of his legal bills

Oscar Picks
Odds-makers are split over who should be favored to win Sunday night's Academy Awards. But the experts all agree the Best Actor Oscar should go to host Chris Rock, for pretending to be interested in the Academy Awards.

Top 5 Burning Questions About the Oscars

5) Will Joan Rivers try something new, or will she use the same face she had last year?

4) Which star will be the next idiot to give away the ending to "Million Dollar Baby?"

3) Will Morgan Freeman finally get an Oscar, or does he have to wait until they give one to everybody else who was on "The Electric Company?"

2) Is there any way they can make the actors in the audience look more loaded than they were at the Golden Globes?

1) What's more likely to get ABC in trouble with the FCC for indecency; something Chris Rock says, or something Star Jones wears?

AARP Slandered
A new right-wing ad campaign accuses the AARP of being in favor of gay marriage. But the AARP says it's just that most of its members are too old to tell the difference between men and women.

Back to Normal
In a sure sign that the Olympic Evaluation Commission has left, New Yorkers are beginning to see more of the City's embarrassing sites... like criminals, homeless people, and the Knicks.

Bono's Peace Prize
U2 lead singer Bono is being considered for the Nobel Peace Prize. Experts say it's because the only thing the entire world agrees about these days is that Bono's last three albums really stunk.


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