Sunday, February 20, 2005

Bush in Europe
President Bush is now on a five-day trip to Europe where he will work to heal hard feelings from the Iraq war. Insiders expect the President to mend fences with diplomatic concessions, and then make things worse by mispronouncing the names of every European country and leader.

Top 5 Things President Bush Plans to Do to Mend Fences with Europe

5) Present every European leader with a really nice fruit basket

4) Offer to do all the dirty work and protect them from terrorists... oh, wait we do that already!

3) Get Condi to agree to appear on European version of "Blind Date"

2) Bond with the Germans and Russians and start drinking heavily again

1) Two words: "Ambassador Hasselhoff"

Israeli Pullout
Prime Minister Ariel Sharon is calling his decision to withdraw from Gaza and four West Bank settlements, "the toughest choice he's ever made." But experts say the actual toughest choice he ever made was going without that second bowl of Matzoh Ball soup last Friday night.

Israeli Pullout II
Israel's Cabinet approved the withdrawal from Gaza and four West Bank settlements, marking the first dismantling of Jewish settlements on land claimed by Palestinians. The decision will help keep the peace process going, win Israel more international support, and force Islamic terrorists to build longer-range weapons.


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