Bush Kisses
President Bush was very friendly with the two women he nominated for cabinet posts this week, kissing Condoleezza Rice twice and kissing Margaret Spellings on the lips. If that's how he shows his gratitude to them, we really don't want to know how he's thanking Karl Rove.

Sports-Sex Poll
A new poll by GQ magazine reveals that one in five American men has turned down sex to watch sports. That's opposed to Monday Night Football viewers who this week were forced to turn down sports and watch sex.

Gay Pig
A farmer in Bulgaria is suing a pig breeder, claiming the 220 pound boar he sold him was gay. The breeder says the claim is ridiculous, especially since everyone knows the only 220 pound gay pig in the world is Elton John.

New Security Chief?
Insiders say New York Governor George Pataki is likely to become the new Homeland Security Secretary. So apparently, our new strategy is to bore the terrorists to death.

Iran Nukes
Colin Powell says the United States has information that Iran is seeking to adapt its missiles to carry nuclear warheads. Isn't that nice?... even though Powell is quitting, he's giving the Bush administration one more war for the road!

South Carolina Discovery
Artifacts found in South Carolina indicate that modern humans inhabited North America as long as 50,000 years ago, a discovery that challenges long-held theories on the migration of early man. Well, it's either that or the archaelogists forgot that most people in South Carolina today still look like they're living in pre-historic conditions.

Seinfeld DVD
A launch party for the new "Seinfeld" DVD set was held this week in New York. The party was attended by the three people on Earth who can't find "Seinfeld" re-runs playing on TV 24 hours a day.

Gates Email
Micrsoft chairman Bill Gates is one of the most "spammed" people in the world, getting almost 4 million e-mails a day... and you thought there was no justice in the world!