Supreme Court Decision
The Supreme Court has decided to reverse the death penalty for a Texas man because of his extremely low I.Q. Of course the last time the justices showed clemency to a Texas man with low intelligence was when they let George W. Bush be President.

Bush Health Care
President Bush says improving health care for all Americans will be the top priority for his second term. That's mostly because he desperately needs to find a way to keep Dick Cheney alive to do all the work for another 4 years.

CIA Resignations
Two top officials at the CIA resigned this weekend. But we are talking about the CIA, so it's possible the agency just can't find them.

MTV In Africa
MTV will soon be allowed to broadcast in Africa. It's a move welcomed by African political leaders, who can't wait to copy American politicians and blame the network for every crime and incident of violence for the next 25 years.

Safire Quits
New York Times editorial columnist and Bush supporter William Safire is retiring in January. Safire is going to write a book about the most important lessons he learned while working at the Times for 30 years, which means it'll be about coping with loneliness.