NEWSDAY ALERT!!! I'm back in the "Punchlines" column in Newsday today! Here's the link: NEWSDAY

Bush Nobel Prize
Some Bush supporters say they believe the President should win the Nobel Peace Prize this year for ridding the world of Saddam Hussein. But experts say Bush's conduct during and after the war has a much better chance of winning the Nobel Prize for Fiction.

Mount Saint Helens Warning
Geologists are now reducing the warning levels at Mount Saint Helens. Experts say that after wresting several days worth of news coverage away from the hurricanes, the volcano now feels more appreciated and has made its point.

Mount Saint Helens Warning II
Geologists are now reducing the warning levels at Mount Saint Helens. But they warn that the volcano may follow the lead set by the Department of Homeland Security, and suddenly threaten to erupt again if President Bush's poll numbers continue to drop.

Lewis to Prison
Baltimore Ravens star Jamal Lewis has agreed to a plea deal and will go to jail after the season.. Meanwhile, dozens of NFL players are already serving hard time during the season... but those are just the ones playing for the Dolphins.

Edwards Attacks
John Edwards continues to say that Dick Cheney is "not being straight with the American people." Cheney responded by angrily denying that and reminding everyone that his daughter is the one who isn't straight.

Bush Attacks
President Bush continues to say he's different from John Kerry because Kerry says the U.S. should pass a "global test" before we attack another country. The President says he has nothing against diplomacy, but he's just never been able to pass a test.

Louisiana Ruling
A judge in Louisiana threw out a state constitutional amendment banning gay marriage this week. The judge says before the state tries to stop men from marrying each other, it really needs to stop men from marrying their sisters.