WEB ALERT!!! I have a special page of my own on the new Comedy Soapbox web site! It includes a listing of my upcoming shows and even a headshot of me for those of you dying to know what I look like! Here's the link: Comedy Soapbox

VOTE FOR ME!! "Two Drink Minimum" is currently accepting nominations for the many Best of 2004 Awards categories. Simply e-mail your picks to editor@twodrinkmin.com with any subject line you like before 9 p.m. EST on Oct. 17. Please vote for me for "Best Web Site" and "Most Intelligent Comic." Only one vote per e-mail address allowed.

Defense Perks
Defense lawyer Lynne Stewart says she gets perks for representing Islamic extremists, including getting free food from Arab vendors on the streets of New York. On the other hand, the men and women prosecuting Islamic extremists say they face many added dangers... like getting free food from Arab vendors on the streets of New York.

Scientist Dies
Katharina Dalton, who discovered pre-menstrual syndrome, died this week at the age of 87. Dalton's work truly helped women understand their bodies, but she really helped millions of creepy guys who, thanks to her, can actually get away with blaming PMS for why they aren't getting any.

Rent-a-Husband
A man in Helsinki is selling his services as a "rent-a-husband" for $25 an hour, to do chores around the house, but he insists he is not selling sexual services... that's being taken care of by a separate business called, "rent-a-pool boy."

Arnold Foie Gras
California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is banning the force-feeding of ducks to make the gourmet dish foie gras. But he will allow farmers to use other methods to make the ducks larger, including bringing them to Gold's Gym for a complete workout every morning.

Stadium Rally
Thousands rallied in New York yesterday in support of building a new stadium for the Jets on Manhattan's West Side. Bringing Jets fans to Manhattan would be a boon to restaurants, bars and every pharmacy that sells anti-depressants on Sundays.